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November 20, 2003
About Hugs and Yardsticks
Cookie comes back with a pretty clear explanation:
A parent with Old European roots could easily have grown up "clearly recognizing" love, without feeling the urge to verbally express that love. I know enough such people (who forever tell me I'm spoiling my kids) to know that it is not fair to measure them by our American yardstick (where we say we love you even when we don't, just let's not hurt your feelings). To these people, love is known, assumed: I am your parent, of course I love you, I am your child, of course I love you, we don't need to talk about it and keep reminding each other and be huggy-kissy about it. (Clearly, this is where the climate factor needs to be taken into consideration.)
The question now is, if the child is growing up in the "American" climate, why shouldn't the child measure the parent with "our American yardstick"? It might not be fair but that is the world the child grew up in. Teenagers tend to blow things out of proportion, in their minds. To a teenager, a "strict" parent seems an unloving parent. It doesn't make the teenager right but if parents want to give a child all the chances they could, sometimes showing love is necessary. Sometimes a child knows the parents love him/her without being "huggy-kissy", I guess it's a thin line. As with everything else in life, it's all in the balance.
A final word, this was not a well-thought-out post. But isn't that why I write a blog, not a newspaper column?
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: cookie
DATE: 11/21/2003 01:56:19 AM
I'm trying to bring this topic to closure on my blog so I'll give you this: in focusing on the European vs. American issue, I was not trying to point fingers, and certainly not to lay blame on the child for feeling distant from his parents.
On the contrary, I think that in this respect, European parents need an outside force to raise their respective consciousnesses regarding emotional exhibitionism. It can't come from within because there is not enough sensitivity to it.
Being in the in-between generation, I think one needs to be a little forgiving to the parties on either side of this fence.
Finally, I enjoy your writing and really didn't mean to tear you apart (if that's the way you felt). I just analyze too much, it's my nature. Sorry! But can you accept that this is what I am? (being facetious here...)
Blog on, I'm liking it.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: yes
DATE: 11/22/2003 11:12:34 PM
If you give children love they become sissies, cowards, pussies. Beat your boys, lash your lasses: that should be the new slogan of every progressive American mom. Love fosters languor, sloth and insanity. Do you want your child to turn into a real-time crudnik? As the saying goes: spare the hot heavy iron rod and spoil the child.
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Posted by notepad at November 20, 2003 09:32 PM