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May 13, 2004

Lies, Lies and Lying to Yourself

I just read through the new Mishpacha magazine again and it seems like they got at least some things right. I really suggest you get your hands on the May 12th edition.

In an interview with Rabbi Moshe Grylak, Rabbi Goldstein asserts that the reason for the high drop-out rate in our generation is the absence of truth. He blames the media for making teens today more prone to dropping out than teens in the past.

We have to teach them and train them what to use as a counterbalance against the temptations of the world. Simply criticizing and rebuking isn’t going to be very effective.

…

How does a father ‘sell a cheap imitation’?
When you tell your son stories, and demand of him a certain level of behavior, that you yourself have not attained – or perhaps don’t even really believe in – then you are selling him an imitation, and an imitation is a lie. Any value that is conveyed in this ‘imitation fashion’ won’t be absorbed by the child. Furthermore, he will mock that value for the rest of his life.
I want to explain to parents what kind of damage they are perpetrating when they lie to their children.

Rabbi Goldstein recounts a conversation with a boy:

…I told him, “I understand that you have already commited every possible sin. Now you are asking G-d, ‘What? How? What now? Do I have any hope? Can I come back?”
I told him, “Did you ever really daven? Did you ever learn the meaning of the words in the prayers? Did you ever say the words and feel they were true? Did you ever think about ‘our lives that lie within Your hands’ – have you ever considered what those words mean, that our lives lie within Hashem’s hands? You are accustomed to living with lies, speaking lies, and worst of all, lying to yourself. Come, let’s try one thing. Did you daven Maariv yet? Invest in one Maariv. Go into the Women’s Section; there’s no one there. Sit with yourself, and consider what you are about to say. Then say the words with understanding; feel what you’re saying. If it takes less than an hour, I will consider you very talented.”
Two hours later, he came back and said, “I didn’t succeed. But I did get a small taste.”
Today he is a G-d fearing Jew.

In the next article, titled Trust, Trust & More Trust Michal Silver tells the story of a couple who opens their doors to teenagers who are ‘on the fringe.’ I will not quote anything from that article, you’ll just have to read it yourself. What I will say is this, if it wasn’t for a family just like Elimelech and Chava in the story, I would not be who I am today, in Yiddishkeit or in personality. When I was away from home, during my final zman in yeshiva at seventeen, they opened their doors to me and others. We found a listening ear we didn’t find anywhere else. We found a calm that was missing at home, and I saw a side of Yiddishkeit that was very hard for me to see at home or in Yeshiva at the time. I will be forever grateful to them and to Hashem for that half-year. I still go back for Shabbos every once in a while, and love it every time.

Read the magazine, take some inspiration, and open your eyes to the teenager who has hair slightly longer than his brothers’.

Posted by notepad at May 13, 2004 08:04 PM

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