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July 15, 2004
Real or Fake?
This is the story of a boy named Yoeli.
Yoeli is 19 years old and is currently learning in Mir. Yoeli had learnt in a local Yeshiva Ketana and had gone off to Gateshead after that. His parents had to use a lot of protektzia, and a few dollars, to get him into Gateshead, since he was an American and chasidish to boot, but they did it and he went. On his first flight to London's Heathrow airport he saw a movie for the first time in his life. At the ripe age of sixteen, Yoeli started to see the world through a new set of eyes. He learnt all about football and touring all around the west end. Yoeli didn't ‘bum out,' Yoeli stayed a feine yeshiva bucher, at least in the eyes of anyone who saw him. His close friends however, noticed that he has changed. So it continued, Yoeli did more and more things that he hadn't dreamed of doing just a few short months earlier.
After two years in Gateshead, the beginning of the first being very different than the end of the second, Yoeli went on to Eretz Yisroel. Here a whole new world opened up to him. He arranged himself a dirah with a few 'with-it' guys and steps into Beis Medrash for about fifteen minutes a day, when he's in town. In the past year he has toured all of Israel, and then some. He has eaten many a meal with nary a questionable hashgacha. His collection of mp3 cds has reached a high of over four thousand songs, some of them chasidish. He thinks he hasn't missed a day of putting on tefillin but he's really not sure, or at least that's what he tells me.
Yoeli just got engaged! He did a very nice shidduch at the ripe age of nineteen. His father's money and family's good name had a little to do with it and the girl doesn't really know him, she only met him twice for an hour, but he has a good name. He always watched his back in the good old days. "Are the gold days over? No more clubs? No more loud music? No more beaches?" Vus epes not? I think my kallah is OK, I think she'll be 'with-it'. "So, eight months without talking to a girl?" Hey, I'll try. She's really nice and she's my type. I think I can get her a cell phone or something. "What about smoking? Does she know you smoke?" Nah, she doesn't, I'm quitting anyway, when I get married.
This is the story of a boy named Shlomie.
Shlomie is 22 years old and has been working at Brooklyn Electronics for three years, the last two as warehouse manager. Shlomie also learnt in his local yeshiva ketana and then went on to London. In his three years in London, Shlomie developed a liking to movies. The highlight of his week was sneaking to a theater on Motzai Shabbos and catching the latest blockbuster. He would go to a bar once in a while if there was major football match but he didn't frequent bars. The rest of the time he struggled in yeshiva. He was pretty smart but had trouble with his first maggid shiur. After that everything pretty much went downhill.
When he turned 18 he started telling his father that he wants to go to work. His father wouldn't hear of it. All the mashgichim and mashpi'im we're trying to convince him to stay in yeshiva. He stayed on until his was 19 and outgrew the London yeshiva. He came home and put his foot down, he's going to work. After being home for few weeks at the beginning of the zman, his father relented and helped him find a job. He found a job at Brooklyn Electronics as a warehouse employee. In short order he became the manager's 'right hand man' and got his job a year later.
In the three years that Shlomie worked at Brooklyn Electronics, he changed a lot. The structured environment of the job somehow changed him. He now has a chavrusa every day and learns Gemara be'iun. He davens with a minyan three times a day and helps out a few local chesed organizations. He doesn't have much time to 'hang out', but more importantly, he doesn't want to anymore. Shlomie made a connection with an ehrlicher yid in his community and learnt what yiddishkeit is all about. He now enjoys most of the mitzvos he does and knows he's getting better by the day.
Shlomie is still looking for his shidduch. He has a stigma; he's a "working boy."
Yoeli and Shlomie's stories may have been a little exaggerated, but I think I got my point across. It is time parents realize that some working boys are real and some learning boys are fake.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: perel
DATE: 07/15/2004 09:36:31 AM
*sigh*
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: ek
DATE: 07/15/2004 09:53:33 AM
I wish "shloimie" all the best~~Really.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR:
DATE: 07/16/2004 09:45:05 AM
ESSE QUAM VIDERI
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: steve
DATE: 07/18/2004 01:35:44 PM
Hey if Shlomi is an FFB from the right family he'll find a shid no problem. If you're a BT and the biggest masmid around, you still get treated like dogsh***t.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Meredith
DATE: 07/19/2004 06:47:14 PM
Yeah, it sucks. Just be happy if you're on the good end.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Miri
DATE: 07/19/2004 10:59:16 PM
So why aren't all these shidduchless working boys banging down my door? I'll take'em!
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Rinx
DATE: 07/21/2004 08:59:13 PM
Whoever treats bts like sh**t(btw, its spelled with one star) will be treated like that when they pazz on... I think brand names have more prestige than the yichus crop everyone talks about... I think they should start leaving the info if your chasidish, modern, etc.. out oof the shidduch stuff, because nowadays there can be chasidish bums, and b.t. frum ppl..
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: cookie
DATE: 07/22/2004 11:15:46 PM
I have this theory about people ultimately getting what they deserve...whether she really is "his type", or whether he does find himself changing for her (something no thinking person sets out to do, but hey, it does happen), or whether it takes getting ?o the other side for the bill to be paid.
It's weird, that. If you observe a little, you can find a lot of couples who are totally not even on remotely similar wavelengths. Somehow they either have this ability to agree to disagree, or a higher purpose, or something. Whatever it is, it's motivating them to put in the effort it takes to live with someone to whom they normally wouldn't give time of day.
Where there are kids involved, I'm totally for sweating it to achieve a workable relationship. It's the others (no kids yet/kids all married) that I find somewhat bizarre.
But I digress.
Here's praying that Shlomie some day (soon, I hope) find his special one, who will treasure him for what he is.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: A Yungerman
DATE: 08/01/2004 11:11:47 PM
Yup! Movies are a threat to heimishe Bochurim Medilech, Yungeleit and Weiblech.
And the Computer.Internet/dvd all have done terrible damage to the frum and chasidish lifestyle.
We're waiting for the geula more then ever before!
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: berel yonah
DATE: 08/09/2004 01:05:59 PM
sadly the story of many. learning in mir myself i know plenty such cases
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Mark roth
DATE: 08/11/2004 11:17:19 AM
I am a secular Jew of hasidic east-european descent-the lifestyle I read of on these blogs doesnt match my parents descriptions of their parents-they were hasidic but they were jews foremost and regular people. The post-war hasidic reality is twisted and perverted and bizzare.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: rinx
DATE: 08/17/2004 04:14:27 PM
Mr. Yungermon-the gueala comes by jews involving themselves in torah lives... and doing holy acts known as mitzvos... there is smthng you can do about all this bad happening in the world-protect yourself from it... and become the holiest you can, and be a kiddush Hashem for those "off the d"..
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: G Green
DATE: 10/18/2004 07:36:44 PM
Firstly I got to give you a big Shkoyach for linking me on your site.
It is a sorry state of affairs but absolutely true. I dont know if Shlomie and Yoeli are "real" people but I definately know guys like that - except for the "working boy" title given, you just need to speak to the right shadchonim. The worst thing is in Yolie's case, the parents & society dont see the real him (or just pretend its not there), causing all kinds of problems later on.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR:
DATE: 11/10/2004 05:37:27 PM
sad to say but this kind of yoily is among countless chasidishe bouchrim and just because they dont change their outer apperances ppl think their as good as they look i myself am a ex chasid and i have a lot frends that are like that
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: sam
DATE: 11/10/2004 05:47:03 PM
sad to say but this kind of yoeli is among countless chasidishe bouchrim and just because they dont change their outer apperances people think they are as good as they look i am a ex chsid myself and i have many many frends that are like that
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Posted by notepad at July 15, 2004 12:01 AM
Comments
These 2 examples come to tell us...parents need to give to their children all the love and gashmius we are allowed to give so they can try to minimize these risks.
Posted by: chaya at August 10, 2008 11:04 AM